Velcome to my diary. Perhaps you are vondering vy I am writing this diary. Remember, I am of the undead. Ve have plenty of time to kill. Vy am I allowing my most intimate thoughts to be shared with you? Because I know that you vill be humbled and seduced ven you read about my thrilling unlife, my exquisite vives, my fabulous castle, my supernatural strength, and my extensive blood cellar.